We're closing in on 5 days until our due date. And maybe it's just hormonal but I'm feeling awfully nostalgic about my time with Lila. I'm documenting every moment, like this could be the last time I give her bath without a baby in the tub with us or in a bouncing seat watching us, or this is the last time I'll lie down with her at nap time without a newborn attached to my boob, or this could be our last trip to the pool just the two of us, etc.
I've cried a lot lately after putting her down at night, staring at her long body, covering her up with covers and totally breaking down at how big my girl is, how grown up she looks with her head on a pillow and a quilt under her chin. How did she get so big? How is it that she ever fit in newborn diapers?
This poor baby boy isn't even born yet and I'm starting to feel guilty about how he's going to change Lila's life. I can remember days after being home from the hospital with Lila and looking at Tucker's sad face after a long feeding and just bawling into his fur - over the guilt I felt for disturbing HIS life. I just knew he hated me, I could tell from those droppy dog eyes. If I felt that bad for the family dog, I mean he is precious and all, but still, I'm worried about how it will all be with Lila.
I'm trying to comfort myself with reminders that she will be too young to remember any of this. Lila and baby boy will be almost the exact age difference of me and Dryw and I don't have any memories that don't include him, don't know what life was like before he came around, and somehow I survived.
In the meantime, I'm so ready for this baby to get here. As much as I'm cherishing a full night's sleep every night, I want to hold this baby close, find out what he looks like and play with his teeny tiny feet.
Awww! You aren't disturbing Lila's life with Andy - she is going to LOVE having a brother. :)
Posted by: Kelly C | July 14, 2009 at 10:40 AM
You have the sweetest family, and she will love Andy and being a big sister. You are a wonderful woman, wife, and mother, so caring, so thoughtful, and your children are so lucky to have you. Good luck this week. We have been thinking of you all and you are all in our prayers.
Posted by: Erin Kay | July 14, 2009 at 12:53 PM
I had the same feelings with Jack. Having Carter for 5 years all to ourselves.....it felt like I was betraying him. As Jack's due date approached, I had the strangest feelings....like I resented this baby arriving any day that we tried desperately to get pregnant with for 7 months.....but the closer I got to his arrival, the weirder I felt about it all.
As with any family, everything fell into place and those feelings vanished as we entered the hospital on that wonderful April day.....and then the following year another baby arrived......the rest is history.
I can't wait to hear about it all. Love every minute!
Posted by: Starnes Fam | July 14, 2009 at 01:44 PM
Just think about all the new memories there are to make and how the love in your family is about to grow exponentially. Once Andy starts to add so much to your life, I'm sure you won't be able to IMAGINE him taking anything away from you and Lila. Except maybe sleep, of course. But what do I know? I'm just a lowly mom of one...I'm learning from you!
Posted by: Nicole Johnson | July 15, 2009 at 08:11 PM
Dad and I have loved watching the great job you and David have done with Lila and can't wait for Andy to arrive and see the joy on all your faces..Do I have to bring the baby cap home for Tucker and Lila like we did when Lila was born? Do you think she should sleep with it?
Posted by: joyce | July 15, 2009 at 09:10 PM